How To Bring Intimacy Back into a Relationship
In the initial stages of a blossoming relationship, intimacy often flows effortlessly, creating a strong bond between partners. Let’s face it: it’s hard to keep our hands off of each other during this time!
However, as time goes by, many couples find themselves grappling with the challenge of maintaining that sense of closeness and intimacy.
In this blog, we will explore why losing intimacy in a relationship is so common and practical ways couples can rekindle the flame.
The Common Struggle: Losing Intimacy
It’s important to know that it's very common for couples to experience a decline in intimacy over time. The initial passion that once fueled the relationship can wane for various reasons, ranging from the stress of daily life to unresolved conflicts.
The good news is this does not mean all hope is lost in rekindling that flame you once had. Many couples can overcome this lull in their relationship, and you can too!
Sex therapist Laurie Watson once stated, "Most sexual concerns stem from an interpersonal struggle in the marriage." This observation holds a profound truth: the loss of intimacy is often rooted in deeper relational issues.
The key to overcoming this challenge lies in understanding the root causes and actively working to address them.
Understanding the Disconnect: Reasons Behind Lost Intimacy
Pursuer-Distancer Pattern: According to experts, this pattern is the most common reason that couples eventually lose their passion for each other and stop being sexually intimate. This is when one partner responds to relationship stress by moving toward their partner, and the other responds by moving away from their partner.
This pattern also applies in the bedroom, where they seek intimacy from their partner.
Neglecting Emotional Intimacy: Emotional connection is essential for maintaining a strong bond. The relationship can suffer when partners prioritize other aspects of their lives and neglect nurturing emotional intimacy.
Communication Breakdown: Effective communication between partners is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. A rift can develop when couples fail to communicate openly and honestly, leading to emotional distance and a loss of intimacy.
Routine and Predictability: The monotony of routine can take a toll on intimacy. This especially applies to hard-working couples trying to balance work and raise kids. As daily responsibilities consume time and energy, couples may find themselves stuck in a rut, inadvertently neglecting the need for spontaneity and excitement.
Bringing Intimacy Back: Practical Strategies
Encouraging Emotional Intimacy
Building emotional intimacy involves sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Practicing emotional attunement can help partners to stay connected even through disagreements.
Set aside time for meaningful conversations, and actively listen to your partner without judgment. Create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable expressing vulnerabilities.
Due to our background or past life traumas, this may be harder for some; many find success in consulting with a relationship coach to help them learn how to open up to their partners.
Change Your Pattern of Initiating Sex
Experiment with new ways of initiating intimacy. Break away from routine and surprise your partner with gestures that communicate desire and passion. Variety can bring novelty back into the relationship.
In trying to change the pursuer-distancer pattern, the distancers may want to practice initiating sex more often, and pursuers try to find subtle ways to initiate intimacy, avoiding critique and demands for closeness.
Hold Hands More Often
Simple physical gestures can reignite the spark. Holding hands, cuddling, and physical touch release oxytocin, the "love hormone," cultivating a sense of closeness and connection.
Separate Sexual Intimacy from Routine
Designate special times for intimacy, separate from daily routines.
Use this time to avoid discussing household chores, family or relationship problems, and work stress. These subjects will only cause sexual arousal to plummet.
By creating a distinct space for connection, you can eliminate distractions and focus on each other.
Carve Out Time to Spend with Your Partner
Quality time is crucial for maintaining a strong connection.
Schedule date nights or weekend getaways to prioritize each other and strengthen the emotional bond.
Dr. Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, says, "Everything positive you do in your relationship is foreplay."
Practice Being More Emotionally Vulnerable During Sex
Intimacy is not just physical; it's emotional as well.
Share your desires and sexual fantasies with your partner, and encourage them to do the same. This level of vulnerability can deepen the connection between you.
Try talking about your feelings in terms of positive needs instead of critiquing what you do not need.
Start sentences with “I feel” and “I need” instead of “I don’t like it when…” Or “Why do you always…”
Make Sex a Priority
Acknowledge the importance of a healthy sexual relationship.
Make a conscious effort to prioritize intimacy and communicate openly about your needs and desires. Try the following to show your mate that sex is a priority:
Turn off the TV and put away devices
Set the mood by adding some fun and play into an activity or a romantic dinner.
Increase physical affection
Friendship: The Glue Holding It Together
Friendship is the glue that can hold a marriage together. Cultivating a strong friendship within your relationship provides a foundation for trust, understanding, and intimacy. Make time to engage in activities you both enjoy, laugh together, and appreciate the qualities that make your partner your best friend.
Rekindle that Flame: Bring Intimacy Back Into Your Relationship
In the journey to reignite intimacy, it's crucial to recognize that every relationship is unique.
If you struggle to reconnect, seeking the guidance of a relationship coach can offer personalized insights and strategies to rekindle the flame in your marriage and rediscover the joy of intimate connection.
As a coach well-versed in the Gottman Method and trained as a Somatic Practitioner and Sex and Relationship Coach, I provide empowered, action-oriented coaching for individuals struggling with their sex life, relationship, and ability to understand their emotions.
My 1:1 relationship coaching program creates tailor-made changes in your life. If you are looking to grow, heal, and bring back intimacy into a relationship, this program is for you!
Contact me for your consultation today! Together, we can start the journey to strengthen the bonds that make your relationship extraordinary.
